From a particularly inspired, if not scholarly, "translation" of the Old Testament,
Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
Teh full Old Testament is right here.
Also, this bit from Exodus,
Moses an Aaron can has famblies and kittenz
Aggen I telz U dat abowt Cieling Cat. He tellz Moses an Aaron to get Israelites out uv Egypt sandbox.
Dese R teh famblis uv Israel. Reuben can has sunz Hanoch, Pallu, Hezron an Carmi.
Simeon can has sunz Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jakin, Zohar and Shaul. Shaul mama wuz Canaanite.
Levi can has sunz Gershon, Kohath and Merari. Levi livz 137 yrs. (Dats a loooooong taim.)
Gershon can has sunz Libni and Shimei. (Jus 2, eezy 2 rembember.)