This Will Not Help

The state of Utah is the only state in this Holy Union that allows college students to carry handguns into class. This story right here, tells the tale of a student who does just that.

Nevermind that he carries a different gun based on his outfit, a certain gun for t-shirt, a different, presumably larger piece with a jacket...

This student would probably not help if an angry, prehaps mad, perhaps mentally disturbed, person came busting into his Organic Chemistry class with a mission to shoot as many people as possible before shooting himself. That is, he probably couldn't really help much unless he got lucky or was combat trained.

Admittedly, I have never shot a gun but by the power of common sense I know that learning how to shoot a gun at a target at a shooting range is different than shooting a person who is shooting at you and wants to die and wants to kill you.

So, here is my proposal. If you want to carry a gun into your classroom you must do the following things. First, you must announce every single day, in every class, that you are in attendance and that you are carrying a loaded gun just in case sensible students want to get the f--- out of there. Second, you must present some sort of certification that indicates you are combat trained that way you can actually do some good should you be needed. You must also speak to a psychiatrist to make sure you aren't completely wacked out, lets say weekly, no, daily. Also, you need to demonstrate perfect vision or at least show that your contacts/glasses equate to perfect vision. Oh, and you need to take a drug and alcohol test every single morning.

You cannot be in a fraternity or sorority. You must have a strictly held-to curfew. You must continually practice your marksmanship and combat skills. It would also help if you could learn how to throw a pencil like a spear in case your gun jams. I would also suggest training in one of the following martial arts: Jujitsu, Tae Kwon Do, or Thai Boxing. Based on my viewing of vigilante films these are the three most effective fighting styles.

If you are going to carry a gun into a classroom you need to be a trained killing machine.


Anonymous said...

Who'll have time for school what with all that training and testing?
if only there were a place were 18 year olds could go, where they can carry and shoot a gun every day, with other like-minded killing machines, and not be bothered with all the smarty-pants stuff...

Anonymous said...

I've shot a gun at a range before and dude it was hard, it was also scary and yes a little sexy, tee hee. Having done this I now respect the fact that nobody should carry a gun on them anywhere in public, dude the things are heavy and make loud noises and it's just a bad idea all around. You know batman never carried a gun and he was a total sex magnet and bad ass, maybe we should all just take karate classes and carry batarangs.